To Anxiety Sufferers on International Women’s Day
You are strong.
You are so strong.
I know you may not believe me, but the fact that you’re here reading this right now is a testament to your resoluteness because how many times did you doubt yourself that you would make it this far
And yet here you still are.
Again, you may not believe me, but I know exactly what you’re going through. Sure, our struggles and problems are different – no two people’s experiences are the same – but I’ve been there.
I’ve spent months crying my eyes out with no relief.
I’ve spent days, literal days, lying in bed wondering what the point of my existence was. What the point of anything was.
I’ve spent months barely eating, sleeping, breathing and still gone to work with a smile on my face whilst my insides raged with fear, insecurity and hate.
I’ve smashed plates, sunk to the floor, tearing at my hair, screaming because I couldn’t take what was going on in my head anymore.
I’ve wished I was dead.
Actually, I just wished I’d never been alive at all.
And I’ve felt guilty. So much guilt as my family, my friends, my boyfriend – the loves of my life – watched me crumble.
But just when I thought that everything was over – when I’d quit my job(s) and pushed everyone away so that I could just waste away and succumb to the demons that’d been pestering me and growing inside me since I was 15 years old –
Everything was not over.
I was still breathing.
I was still loved.
The sun was still shining.
And though the worst had happened, the world was still spinning and there was still hope.
And now I understand what the big bang must have felt like because after so much darkness, that colossal explosion was actually the beginning of the most spectacular thing I’ve ever witnessed about myself – personal growth.
I went to a GP and got diagnosed. I started going to therapy every week. I started doing mindfulness exercises every day and though – and I won’t lie to you – I’m still so often overwhelmed by life’s challenges, I’ve finally realised just how much of a privilege it is to breathe.
Because each breath you take is a mark of survival.
Each step you make is an inadvertent commitment to revival.
(Think about it…)
And each day that you wake, YES, each and every day that you wake up, has the possibility of changing your whole life FOR THE BETTER!
So well done on being here today even if it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. Well done for carrying on even when you don’t want to.
Because believe me, one day you’ll have your very own *BIG BANG*
And it’ll all have been worth it.
Until then, Happy International Women’s Day
and know that we all love and support you.